Outchurched

From the BBC:

Writing in the Vatican newspaper, the astronomer, Father Gabriel Funes, said intelligent beings created by God could exist in outer space.

Father Funes, director of the Vatican Observatory near Rome, is a respected scientist who collaborates with universities around the world.

The search for forms of extraterrestrial life, he says, does not contradict belief in God.

The article doesn’t seem to include the American Catholic response which was to suggest that we build a huge-ass dome to cover the entire United States to protect the economy from extraterrestrials who obviously don’t have work permits. William Donohue, President of the Catholic League, was quick to point out that building a dome isn’t enough: “What if the aliens are mole-people and attack our economy by building tunnels to get underneath the dome?*”

* For what it’s worth, Bill Donohue didn’t actually say that, but probably finds E.T.’s glowing finger to be frightengly homoerotic.

Since everything you do as a Christian is representative of your Faith (or lack thereof), then you desperately need the Clueless Follower Points that an item like this provides.

Really, though, isn’t the Christian religion itself just kitsch, therefore making wearing something like this a non-ironic “Statement of Faith?”

I should take a look for a Christian Artist’s Creed (”Christian” and “Artist” feel remarkably wrong to use in the same sentence), but instead I’ll start it and perhaps y’all can help me finish it up…

• All works should glorify God and therefore should not invoke or require critical thinking about anything which is clearly condemned in the Bible. Therefore, no happy gay people are allowed, no Muslims, no Jews, no shellfish.
• If it requires thought to understand the work, then obviously the artist sucks. Using one’s brain is diametrically opposed to expressions of Faith Satanic.
• The only acceptable symbols for use in Christian Art(tm) are the cross, the dove, a Christmas Tree, and uh one I’m forgetting. All other symbols are the work of man, and therefore Satanic. Your art can only be truly Christian if it has a Cross, the Clean-Shaven White Anglo-Saxon Hippie Jesus, or the like. All other art is from the Deepest and Darkest Pits of Hell(tm) if it omits one of these features.
• If looking at the picture causes the viewer to express any emotion other than complete submission to the Omnipresent and Omnipotent Will of God(tm) then it’s Satanic.
• Anthromorphic vegetables are ok, as long as they talk about Jesus a lot. Otherwise their abominable selves will be condemned to the steamer and lightly sauteed with butter afterwards.

(h/t Stragglyr Chris)

:

“I’m not going to pee sitting down” [because I’m already pissing on all of you].

“The KJV is the literal word of God” line of non-thinking is one of the truest indicators that what spews forth from somebody’s mouth is going to be a ration of astoundingly ignorant horseshit.” Well… yeah, I guess I only say that because I, like most men in North America, pee while sitting down. /rolls eyes

I figured that such a thing might exist but never bothered to actually peck around to see if I could find a Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) document on God. I had no idea that it was so amazingly comprehensive and would literally answer all of my burning questions.

As the Beastie Boys say: “Check, check, check, check it out!”

CNNN has a quick chat with Archbishop Jensen, and learns that Archbishop Jensen likes attractive guys with clean teeth… although Leviticus seems to say “no” to the Arbishop’s homoerotic desires.

The description on the YouTube video:

The Anglican Archbishop of Sydney Peter Jensen is asked which parts of the Bible are still relevant, after he used the Bible against gays.

CNNN: Hello Dr. Jensen!

Jensen: How nice to see you!

CNNN: Just want to congratulate you on returning the church to the Bible… the text of the Bible

Jensen: Thank you, very kind of you.

CNNN: I was wondering, Dr. Jensen, do you agree with Exodus 35 that we should put to death those that work on the Sabbath?

Jensen: Thank you. I always believe that the Bible is the truth and the word of God.

CNNN: So we should put to death those that work on the Sabbath?

Jensen: Well, no, because you have to read the whole Bible. When you read the whole Bible you see that that’s not true.

CNNN: Where is the part in the Bible that says Exodus is not right?

Jensen: Can I say that you’ve obviously cleaned your teeth. You don’t have, y’know…

CNNN: You’re not ignoring the question here are you?

Jensen: You don’t have that sort of…

CNNN: Surely, putting people to death for working on the Sabbath, is there some, where in the Bible does it say…

Jensen: We don’t do that anymore.

CNNN: You’re wearing glasses, Dr. Jensen. Doesn’t it say in Leviticus 21, 20 that those who have defective sight cannot take the communion of God?

Jensen: No, well, no.

CNNN: Nor dwarfs, nor hunchbacks, I think.

Jensen: You’ve got the advantage of me… should we look it up?

CNNN: Sure. Look it up? More than welcome to look it up… yes. Here it is… Leviticus

Jensen: You’re so good looking…

CNNN: You don’t want to say that because a man shouldn’t lie with a man like he would with a woman otherwise he’s an abomination. That’s Leviticus 18, isn’t it?

Jensen: I don’t know. You are obviously well educated.

CNNN: I’m seeking more education, Dr. Jensen, as to why is it that Leviticus 18 is still relevant whereas Leviticus 21, 22 and all these others aren’t relevant. Can you put out a new Bible with the true bits highlighted?

(h/t: Dwindling in Unbelief)

For those of you who weren’t aware, Christians have been on the receiving end of intolerance and disdain for simply telling the truth. Shocking, I know, but this video series titled Silencing Christians shows how everything in the world is impossibly stacked up in vile, unacceptable hatred against telling faggots that they’re going to go to hell, just like Jesus did.

I wish Christianists could understand that just because they’re generally free to Speak the Word of Stupidity doesn’t mean that I’m required to listen to their manure or do anything but mock their willful ignorance.

Again, I agree with religious people. What the hell is the world coming to?

Top Ten Moments in the Race for “Pastor-in-Chief”
A Look Back at the Unholy Use of Religion in the Presidential Campaign

Washington, DC - As the presidential primary season winds down, The Interfaith Alliance has compiled a list of the ten worst abuses of religion during the campaign so far. The list highlights the disproportionate role religion has played during the primary season, with candidates and the media shouldering the responsibility. A video companion for the list has been posted on YouTube.com and can be viewed on The Interfaith Alliance website at www.interfaithalliance.org/topten.

Unfortunately, the list could easily go on beyond 10, and is likely to expand as the general election gets under way. Just this week, a photo of Senator Obama in traditional Somali garb was leaked to the media with the clear intent to portray him as a Muslim, and in the process disenfranchise an entire religious community in this country.

“I have witnessed more abuses of religion in this primary season than in any election in recent memory. Candidates from both parties seem to be locked in a competition to be ‘holier than thou,’” said Interfaith Alliance President, Rev. Dr. C. Welton Gaddy. “Incidents like these demean the sanctity of religion by inferring that God has endorsed a certain candidate. Far be it for candidates to run for ‘Commander-in-Chief’ instead of ‘Pastor-in-Chief.’”

If you’d ever suggested to me that I’d be emotionally moved by juggling, I’d have laughed loudly. However, I honestly found this to be moving:

It’s not typical Outchurched stuff… it’s much better than that. :)